So You Think Your Child has Additional Needs. What Now?
When you first realise that your child might be struggling, it can bring up a lot of feelings and emotions, and you might feel very alone in the beginning. It is daunting, and something none of us expect. Thankfully, there are also practical actions that can be taken really quickly to support your child. Late recognition of issues can be highly detrimental to a child’s mental health, and so we have put together some tips of what you can do to start the wheels turning at school
Speak to the Teacher
If you are noticing that your child is struggling, chances are your child’s teacher has noticed too. Many parents with additional needs children see something before their child starts full time school. However, this is not always the case. Full time school is demanding, and so things can become apparent at different times.
Steph says “I knew before Jack started school, but I noticed marked changes by the end of the first term in reception, and again in Year 2 when they were studying for the SATs, and again in Year 3, when the school made changes to the class. The school year group had 90 children, and they shuffled the kids about to start year 3. My son experiences faceblindness, as well as sensory issues with smells. Even sitting beside a child who used a washing powder he wasn’t used to could trigger intense meltdowns.”
Many children, especially girls, mask that they are struggling. Certain things can cause the mask to slip, such as change in teacher, a change in timetable, a change in the demands of the curriculum, or moving from nursery to primary school or primary school to secondary school. Before the mask slips, it can be challenging to know that your child has issues. They mask in school or unmask at home.
But the important thing is, regardless of how or where your child struggles, the first step is to make the teacher aware that you’ve noticed, so that they can pay closer attention, or allay your concerns. Whether you catch them at the end of the day, or have a quick phone call, start the conversation as soon as you can.
Arrange a meeting with the school
Parent’s Evenings are not the best time to raise concerns. Each teacher has 5-10 minutes per child. That’s it. It isn’t enough. Instead, speak to your child’s teacher about a meeting, and ask that the SENCo is present. Prepare notes beforehand so you know what you want to raise. These notes may be records of things you have noticed, behaviour diaries, or informal tests that support your concerns such as the ASQ (autism spectrum quotient test) that can be found easily online.
Ask questions. Have the school noticed issues? How do they address this? Have they introduced any additional support, such as nurture groups? Do any referrals need to be made?
Look at what can be implemented at home and school to increase consistency between the two environments
Based on your questioning at the meeting, a picture should begin to form about how your child is being supported. However, every single school is different in how they manage things, just like every parent is different. Share the things you do at home to support your child.
Do you find that breaking instructions down is useful?
Do you find that the shape, size, or weight of the pen they use helps them write better?
Do they listen to music or wear noise cancelling headphones to help them concentrate?
This is your opportunity to share, and listen. Consistency is key for most children (and adults!) with additional needs. If the boundaries, expectations and strategies are consistent in all settings, then you set yourselves up for success.
Consider whether you want to secure a diagnosis
A range of factors go into getting a diagnosis. The best way to discuss this process is with a real story, so I’ve asked Steph to talk us through how she decided to get her son assessed and diagnosed.
“I was a young parent when I had Jack, and I was accused of neglect, or exposing him to ‘learned behaviours’, and therefore I had real issues accessing meaningful support for him. I knew Jack was autistic, but nobody would listen to me because professionals chose to see things from their own viewpoint. His dad left when he was 1? “Attachment disorder.” Young mum? “Bless her, she doesn’t know what she’s doing.” I felt so alone and unsupported.
“Once he started nursery, it was clear his behaviour was challenging, and the school sought additional funding and eventually an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP). However, it was still from the context of ‘speech delay’ and noted heavily that they were working with parents. I was not happy with this at all, because it meant that they were seeing his needs through the wrong lens.
“Eventually, I got Jack referred in for an ASD assessment. I remember seeing the paediatrician and just saying “I want my son assessed for autism, because if that is what he has, he has the right to a diagnosis and appropriate support, and if it is not, we need to look at what else could be going on, and I’m tired of having the same appointment every six months for the last 4 years.”, and she referred him into the Children and Young People’s Service the same day. It was concluded six months later that he is autistic.
“Jack also has traits of ADHD and meets the criteria for a diagnosis of a tic disorder. However, since I moved him out of mainstream school and into a specialist environment, I don’t feel ask strongly about getting him diagnosed. His school works with the behaviour they see and are highly experienced in supporting children with ADHD and Tourette’s Syndrome, and so he’s doing just fine. The treatments for both conditions are medication – and I don’t think medication is needed at this time. If he begins to have difficulties later, for example, being arrested due to offensive tics, or having trouble focusing despite the strategies, then I will reconsider my decision.
“For me, it comes down to the following question when deciding whether to pursue a diagnosis:
- What will change?
- Do I want to medicate the condition?
- Is he adequately supported without the diagnosis?”